Transparency and Honesty = Vulnerable

I’m just going to be honest.  Something has been bugging me for a while. It involves life. Real life. The kind of life that everyone wants to forget. That life.

I was a nanny for two and a half years, more or less. There were times where I disliked the kids, but loved the boss, but that changed as time went on. I grew to love those kids, no matter what they did, and then as time went on…. I grew to dislike my boss. I can’t tell you exactly when that changed. It could’ve been when she asked me to stay at her house for an entire week while she went out and played scrabble in another city…. or it could’ve been when she had me show up at her house before anyone was even awake. Yeah, that wasn’t weird at all…..

But it’s been really difficult the past couple of weeks. Doc got a facebook. I found out from her daughter, and I find it hard not to be curious about what drama she’s gotten into now. Last time I talked to the Mouse, she told me that she had to take the bus to work because she didn’t have a ride (she’s 18 now… She can get a license/car) and that their last nanny quit with no notice. Ouch. But, having been a former nanny, I can’t blame her.

It’s hard to be a nanny when the mother of the teenagers barely has enough trust to let them out of her sight for a minute at church. Being 17/18 isn’t easy, but, not ever getting trust from your mom isn’t easy either. They’re TEENAGERS! they screw up! it’s their job to find out who they are and she can’t even do that.

I can’t do this. not when Doc is tryin to mess up Daddy’s life. Did I tell you about that? there were some accusations being flown around about the time of my last birthday, and she still isn’t satisfied. Evidently, Dad told her “hi” one week at church, and she stormed around and said “don’t you have business to tend to?” Mom worries she might be wanting to file a suit against Dad for money he supposedly owes her when in fact, she kicked him out and changed the lock on the doors. Those last three months working for her were absolutely horrible. It wasn’t my place to complain to her kids because she is their mom and they should come to their own conclusions without me tainting that. Every night I’d get home from work to see Dad worrying about money because he didn’t have a job, and the next morning I’d go back to work for her. I truly thank God that He gave me the strength to continue when all I wanted to do was quit.  She asked me, as all this drama between our families developed, if it was going to affect me. My response, “Yes. But you’re kids are my job and I will do my best to care for them, whether you and Dad sort things out or not.”

It has been a struggle, to say the least, to get to the point where I can go up to her and say, “I forgive you.” I keep telling myself that Jesus preached love to our enemies, and yet, this is they hardest lesson to grasp.

And as long as I’m being honest, it’s hard to forgive someone when the pain you see in your family is so deep. I thank God that He took care of Daddy and gave him temporary jobs so that our family could be supported. I thank God that Dad is currently living out his dream as a small town doctor within driving distance from their house. And I thank God that it is a challenge to forgive. I love those kids. If nothing else, I’ll forgive her so that I can keep loving them.

About Karen

What's there to say really? I pretend I have two left feet because I hate the attention, but at the same time, i love to make people laugh, even if it's by being a klutz. I am an enigma, even to myself, and I'm full of irrelevant paradigms. I barely even know what I just wrote! View all posts by Karen

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