My heart is breaking. I can’t watch the news because I want to be where the hurt is. Seattle? Italy? Down the street? I really want to fix the hurt. But I can’t. Sometimes I really dislike that God gave me such a tender heart. It just keeps breaking.
Summer 2006 I went to Germany. I played with kids all day everyday for two weeks. The hardest two weeks of my life at that point. We got home and all I wanted to do is go back and love on those people. I didn’t even really meet any Germans! But the country grabbed my heart.
Summer 2009 I discovered small city, Texas has a homeless population. Suddenly my goal in life was to eat with my new friends. I was ecstatic to learn my church did a once a week soup kitchen thing. I jumped at the opportunity of bring a part of this ministry. (the kitchen functioned 7 days a week… My church shared responsibility with 6 other entities) I remembered how much joy came from serving, and I generally entertained the guests as well. Each person that entered was genuinely loved by a group of ladies I had the honor of serving with. This led me to actually spend a semester as a student missionary to inner city families. Talk about growth! That was probably one of the hardest times in my life. I miss many I ministered to there, but I know I’m here for a reason!
Many of my friends are disillusioned by the church. And by all means it is broken. But it’s been broken since it began. Paul wrote two letters to the Corinthian church, not because they did everything right, but because they never listened. Corinth was filled with idolatry and Paul addresses that twice. But I hear more reasons women can’t minister supported by those letters to a n00b church that failed than I do from other sources. Let’s all look at Romans for a minute. Romans 1 says all Greeks are broken. Romans 2 says the Jews aren’t much better. What’s that? We are all broken? Why do we forget this? Paul writes to two different churches to tell them we are all the same to God, yet I know so many Christians who would rather snub someone because they are Muslim than to genuinely love them. Seriously, is the church so shallow that we forget Christ died for all?
My friends, I am broken. And I don’t want to be fixed. It is only in this broken state I can truly show you Christ’s love. I am sorry you have been hurt by the church. I am sorry that you have been confused by conflicting doctrine from differing churches and denominations. I am sorry you’ve been told that science and religion are completely irrelevant to each other. I am sorry you’ve been the fed the “everything will be ok” line when all you can think about is how much you hurt and no one is listening. I want you to know, I understand. I have been there. In some ways I am still there. But I also know this unfathomable extravagant love that I cannot keep to myself. My heart breaks for you.
You know the great thing about a broken vessel? It can’t keep anything in. The bad thing? It really hurts to be broken. And this is where I am right now….