Stillness

Slow down. That’s really what I want to do. I want to smell the metaphorical roses, but alas, my life is anything but slow. It seems the past month or two has been nothing but a blur of sights and sounds and smells and sensory overload. Just to give you an idea, I’ll give you a glimpse into the last three weeks.

Three weeks ago today, I got a phone call that totally rocked my world. Z (the Prince’s mother) called to tell me that her father-in-law (called Bapa) had a heart attack and didn’t survive. She asked if I could come to their house at 6:15 the next morning to help get the Prince ready and off to school. I had no issues with that; after all, they did allow me time off when my mother-in-law passed away suddenly in June. I also knew that I needed to not rely on Z to remember everything for the next several days. I knew that the funeral and burial would be quick (As in… the next day… we’ve discussed how our cultures differ in this area before). I also wanted her to be aware that I’d be available for anything they needed, even going to McAlister’s Deli to get vegetarian chili. That Monday, I got the Prince ready, LittleMan ready and both off to school. I got the rooms ready for the incoming flux of family so they could have a little comfort here. After taking Z to the hospital where Bapa’s body would be transferred to the mosque for the subsequent cleansing, I went home for an hour and a half to rest, recuperate, get some breakfast, etc, before heading to the airport to pick up Z’s parents (Nani Bapa and Nona) and transport them to the mosque for the memorial services. I then drove to church where I helped with Operation Christmas Child (we were a collection site) before returning back to the family’s home where I had to go to the office to get a key to let myself in before the Prince returned from school, grabbing lunch *somewhere* and then proceeding to take care of the Prince. Let me tell you… he wasn’t happy to see his home empty of all but me, but then, he rarely is. After I explained a couple of times why Mom and Dad weren’t home, we went through the routine quite well. Z and her mother were both constantly cooking, her dad and husband were attempting to take care of the newly widowed Mima, and somewhere in there, I was taking care of the Prince and LittleMan. The next week, I stayed late a few nights to allow the family time at the mosque with the beginning of the new month (Muharram) and running errands because all I wanted to do was make their life a little bit easier. That weekend was my birthday. I had family gathered around, several sweet dates with Brandon and life went back to normal… Almost. The next week was Thanksgiving. What did that mean for me? Working longer Monday and Tuesday, getting Wednesday and Thursday off, traveling to Austin and back again to see my family, working Friday and Saturday (with my parents in town, Brandon sick, and me trying to not get sick), getting a small break from work on Sunday (but not a restful break) and then back to work all day Monday because the Prince decided to get sick. LittleMan was *also* sick. I think the “cold front” brought in all sorts of goodies! Tuesday I didn’t work because I got sick, went back on Wednesday, worked late Thursday (because the Prince wouldn’t eat until he saw his mom. She came home at 7… i get off at 7:30 and I still needed to get him ready for bed!) Friday was a godsend. Yesterday I finally(!) got rest and today is Sunday. Tomorrow is also a long day for me because I’m getting the Prince ready for one of his regular all day doctor visits and LittleMan ready for school before going back to work earlier than normal. Oh yeah! I pick up the Duke (Prince’s cousin) from school everyday. Christmas is just around the corner (no shopping done… yet!) and I can’t seem to slow down. I feel like a wind up toy that got wound just a little too much. I need to learn how to rest. 

I am so thankful. I have a job working for a family I’d adopt as my own in a heart beat. The Prince loves me so very much. I have days full of laughter and joy. Life really is good. I, however, can’t seem to sit still long enough to remember that He is God. I know that in this busy-ness I need Him to be my center, but i’m finding it nigh impossible (BTW… I love the word nigh… so old fashioned and under appreciated!) to breathe in and remember to breathe out.

So… as a personal challenge, I’m going to take time to breathe… Just breathe. I am going to make it a priority to be, not do. Seriously… I just want to be! I’m constantly going and doing and being all around busy (even with my side job of crocheting which i love to do and is relaxing in its own way) that i forget Psalm 51:10 (i think?) “Be still and know that I am God.” There is so much there to remember. Studying that verse is a lifetime endeavor. What exactly does being still have to do with knowing He’s God? It’s as much a state of mind as it is an action. Be still. Exist. Breathe. HE IS GOD! It’s so complex, yet so simple. So easy to remember what the bible says, but difficult to remember how to act.

Friends, in this season of Advent, I challenge you on what Immanuel (God with us) means. There is a universal meaning to it in the person of Jesus, but at the same time it have a very personal and intimate meaning to each of us as His children. Tonight, as I drift into slumber (hopefully soon!), I plan on meditating on this. I plan to exist and know He is God!

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About Karen

What's there to say really? I pretend I have two left feet because I hate the attention, but at the same time, i love to make people laugh, even if it's by being a klutz. I am an enigma, even to myself, and I'm full of irrelevant paradigms. I barely even know what I just wrote! View all posts by Karen

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