I told you I had gestational diabetes last time. But what I didn’t know was just how bad it was. I went back to the doctor Friday after watching what I ate, when I ate, blood sugar levels, and making a couple of trips around the mall to make sure I was getting at least *some* exercise in, and my sugar levels improved, but slightly. This is serious guys. With blood sugar out of control, Baby Bear could grow too big (have you seen recent news from Europe about 13 pound babies?) or potentially be a stillbirth. One I can handle, the other, not so much. So she gave me insulin, told me to keep watching my carb intake, and check back with her on Tuesday. And I’ve been *mostly* miserable because, well, I miss chocolate… And sweets… and most of the fruit I love. With regular insulin shots, my sugar, while still a little higher than what she wants, is considerably better. I eat big salads at lunch, which definitely helps my numbers, and today, my lunch and dinner numbers have been on par with what she wants. FINALLY!
But it still isn’t easy. My doctor believes it’s very possible that my body has been diabetic pre pregnancy. I’m preparing myself for that possibility after November comes and BabyBear enters this world as a healthy little girl and I get tested… again… for glucose tolerance. I already feel deprived as I barely eat any grains now, and i cut out all wheat, rye, and barley (hai gluten!) but a part of me wonders…. What if this diabetes was around prior to this pregnancy and my “migraines” were really my body’s way of saying “Hey now, too much sugar!”? Do i test it and make a peanut butter sandwich and risk a migraine that will take me out all day and thus negating all the careful watching of what and when i eat? Um… No. I don’t think so. Just like it’ll probably take me a while after the little one is born to stop testing my sugar and making sure i’m ok.
One of my biggest fears isn’t really keeping the sugar under control, now. I have the tools I need, the knowledge, the power, and ability to learn from my mistakes. My fear is that my doctor will consider me too high risk for her and send me to another physician. I *love* this doctor. She explained things well, told me to call if I had any questions, and seems to really trust me. She warned me a c-section may happen because of how Baby Bear is measuring now (but she also mentioned, it could be a growth spurt… which is likely. I “grew like a weed” as a kid.) but i have no fears of what might happen, really. I’m just happy that my doctor is able to help me and be proactive for my sake, and if that’s how she treats me, a lowly patient, a first time mom, I can only think of her other patients and how well she treats them! I don’t want a new doctor because this one… is pretty close to perfect for me.
Anyway, I have a great support here on the home front. My husband is constantly asking how I’m doing, and I’ve told him how to handle certain scenarios. My parents are super great, although my mom’s “helpful” advice drives me up the wazoo sometimes. My dad says he bought a glucometer a while ago and has been meaning to monitor his sugars as well, but this diagnosis has kinda put a little more oomph to his resolve. My niece texted me asking me all sorts of questions about diabetes like what i could eat and stuff, and then cheered me up by telling me about her life. She’s great like that. This kind of support makes me happy for my family here. And then on twitter! I’ve had so many virtual hugs and friends that I can share my challenges with! Truly, I’ve been blessed and I’m thankful that if this *had* to happen, my circumstances couldn’t be better.
I really just wanted to update you guys, or rather, I really wanted a chance to write down, reflect and share my thoughts. I know that this verse is chronically quoted, often out of context, but I know that “I can do anything with Christ who strengthens me.” I really am just a lowly human and there are so many ways that I could get mad at the world, but I feel blessed. While even though this is a struggle, God has given me a solid foundation and a strength to go from day to day. I know there will be days where I just want to break down and cry and ask God, “why me?” but it’s ok. He can handle that. He’s got me under His wings. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God really is my strength and my portion (of *insert delicious things here*) forever. Amen.