musings of a tender heart.

The world is going to hell in a hand basket. I’m pretty sure that saying has been around for a very long time. But today, my blasted tender heart has had a lot. I mean, to the point that the only interruption I was going to have from my World of Warcraft raging was going to either be my daughter waking up from nap time or a phone call. I (thankfully) turned off all notifications for social media and email on my phone, and that has been so liberating, until i decide to read twitter or catch up on Facebook, and then it’s “What the? What is happening!?”

Earlier today was one of those moments. I saw a couple of news articles talking about the newest cruelty coming out of the Middle East. Children being crucified, sold in to sex slavery, being robbed of being a typical kid. My heart broke. So much. I hate seeing that another person has been beheaded by ISIS, or that another nation retaliated by killing a captured ISIS militant. But I don’t see them as evil, not really. Misguided, lost, yes. But I see hope.

It was so easy as a kid to see things black and white. Aladdin was always a good guy, and Jafar was always evil. But now, as an adult, I can’t see it that way anymore. Aladdin was far from perfect. He stole. He hid in brothels (i just thought they were girls but tumblr/imgur ruined that illusion). He lied to get the girl. Jafar wanted power which led him down a very wrong path. But what if their lives had been different. Would Jafar still be power hungry? Or Aladdin a two bit thief trying to survive the streets? I find the stories I enjoy more have a defined “good” and “bad,” but where the lines are blurred. Just like life.

Maybe I’ve been watching a little too much Covert Affairs on AmazonPrime… Actually, that probably is the case. But I desperately want to rescue the kids that have lost their innocence. Maybe they’ll find a way back like in Hook? I want to ask ISIS what the impetus was for their massacre of Christians in an area of the world where Christianity had a massive stronghold for two millenia! Syria has many of the oldest churches, and this past Christmas in Mosul, not one bell rang. It was silent because one group (probably started as minority as the Nazis did in the late 20s/early 30s) decided they had enough.

Actually, it’s a lot like the Nazis starting, complete with systematic extermination of entire people groups. Currently, I’m reading a biography on Dietrich Bonhoeffer who saw the rise of Hitler and accurately predicted a lot of the crap that would happen in Germany and chose to fight against it as much as he could, even in participating in a (failed) coup d’etat that resulted in he and his co-conspirators being murdered by the very authority they tried to overthrow only three weeks before the fall of Hitler. The more I read in this biography, two things happen. I desperately wish I could meet Bonhoeffer and pick his brain/study under him, and I desperately hope that similar events don’t happen and that we, as a nation, as a world, would recognize it before the reign of terror begins.

I’m not a pro war girl.
nor am I pacifistic to the point that i will shun war.

But my heart hurts, especially in light of current events.

So I turned off social media. And played video games. And discovered the beauty of Gungor on iTunes Radio.
Music speaks to me. And it calms me.

Today my heart is broken. Today I can’t fight all the big bads in the world. Today I can’t rescue kids who’ve lost what it means to be a kid, who’ve been forced to fight or give their bodies in way that is never appropriate, especially for kids. But that’s ok. Today I am reminded once again of Exodus 14:14. Be Still. I believe God has got this. Do I know why this is happening? No. I don’t. And sometimes I’m not okay with that. Sometimes I need to know. I know His ways aren’t mine, but that’s not always a good answer for me. But today, I know He’s got this. He’s got my heart, broken as it is, and He hears my cries for the loss of innocence. He is working in ways I can’t see. Sometimes I just need to stop, cease striving, and keep trusting, keep hoping, keep believing that He’ll show up in a big way in the lives of those affected by the horrors of the universe.

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About Karen

What's there to say really? I pretend I have two left feet because I hate the attention, but at the same time, i love to make people laugh, even if it's by being a klutz. I am an enigma, even to myself, and I'm full of irrelevant paradigms. I barely even know what I just wrote! View all posts by Karen

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