i’m gonna let you in on a little secret. the past several months have been hard. like really, break down and cry hard. like giving up on dreams because i can’t see how they are gonna come about hard.
i’m gonna let you in on another little secret. life has also been sweet. like crying because it’s lovely sweet. like enjoying the summer with an ice cold tea sweet. like staying up late and waking up late sweet. it’s been beautiful. hard and beautiful.
this dichotomy found in my life has led to some very interesting conversations with me and God. but it’s been good. i’ve allowed myself freedom to be who he’s created me to be. i’ve allowed myself to thrive in the difficult times. i’ve allowed myself to be weak so he can shine his strength through me. i’ve allowed him to show me my identity instead of placing it on people and things. i’ve let him strip me bare to build me up and clothe me in his love.
earlier this year, i felt that he was calling me to wait. i had no idea for what, and in all honesty, i still am uncertain, but i can say that this waiting has definitely stretched my faith. i chose to pursue a business venture. my friends make it seem easy, but it’s so hard. i have wanted to quit at least 20 times since may, but i choose to continue because i’ve told him i’d wait. and i still wait. i will wait, although not as patiently as some.
i still wait. i still am unsure for what. but i truly believe that he’s got me right where i need to be. and so i’ll still wait.